Are you a straight man (or the butch half of a Sapphic couple)? Are you familiar with that movie about Carrie Bradshaw and her neurotic, shoe-obsessed harridan chums that premiered in London the other night? If so, multiply your complete lack of interest in escorting the wife or girlfriend to watch this giant gobbling turkey by 10,000 and that’s how much the Fiver is looking forward to sitting through tonight’s Euro Vase final.

5pm